Have you ever found yourself swiping left on yet another dating profile, thinking, “Ugh, he’s just not my type,” or walking away from a date feeling like they just didn’t measure up? If so, then you’re not alone. The question we’re tackling today is one that’s been on the minds of so many of us: Are my dating standards too high?
It’s a tricky topic, right? On one hand, you don’t want to settle for less than you deserve. On the other hand, you might wonder if you’re being too picky and missing out on someone amazing.
So, let’s dive into this together, unpack what it means to have “high standards,” and figure out if yours are helping or hurting your love life.
What Does It Mean to Have High Dating Standards?
First things first—what even are dating standards?
Simply put, they’re the qualities, values, and behaviors you’re looking for in a partner.
They can range from physical traits (like height or style) to deeper qualities (like kindness, ambition, or emotional availability).
Having standards isn’t a bad thing.
In fact, it’s healthy! It means you know your worth and what you want in a relationship.
But here’s the kicker: there’s a fine line between having standards and having unrealistic expectations.
Signs Your Dating Standards Might Be Too High
Let’s get honest with ourselves. Are your standards helping you find a great partner, or are they holding you back? Here are a few signs that your standards might be a tad too high:
- You’re Waiting for “The Perfect Person”
Newsflash: no one is perfect. If you’re holding out for someone who checks every single box on your list, you might be waiting forever. - You Dismiss People Over Small Things
Did he wear sneakers on your first date? Did she order the same dish as you? If you’re writing people off over minor quirks, it might be time to reassess. - You’re Single for a Long Time (And Not by Choice)
If you’ve been single for years and can’t seem to find anyone who meets your standards, it might be worth asking if those standards are realistic. - You Compare Everyone to Your “Ideal”
If you’re constantly comparing potential partners to an imaginary ideal (or your celebrity crush), you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.
When High Standards Are Actually a Good Thing
Now, let’s flip the script. Having high standards isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a sign of self-respect and emotional maturity. Here’s when your standards are working in your favor:
- You Know Your Non-Negotiables
Non-negotiables are the qualities you absolutely need in a partner, like honesty, respect, or shared values. These are the things you shouldn’t compromise on. - You’re Avoiding Toxic Relationships
If your standards are helping you steer clear of red flags (like disrespect or manipulation), keep them right where they are. - You’re Focused on Long-Term Compatibility
If you’re looking for someone who aligns with your life goals and values, that’s a sign you’re thinking about the big picture—not just the here and now.
How to Find the Balance
So, how do you strike the perfect balance between having standards and being open to love? Here are a few tips:
- Reflect on Your Deal-Breakers
Make a list of your non-negotiables and another list of things that would be nice but aren’t essential. This can help you prioritize what really matters. - Give People a Chance
Sometimes, the best connections happen when you least expect them. Try going on a second date with someone who didn’t immediately wow you—you might be surprised! - Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
Instead of looking for someone who’s already “perfect,” look for someone who’s willing to grow and evolve with you. - Check Your Expectations
Are your standards based on what you want, or are they influenced by societal pressures, friends, or family? Make sure your standards are truly yours.
TL;DR: It’s All About Balance
At the end of the day, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to the question, “Are my dating standards too high?” It’s all about finding the balance between knowing your worth and being open to love.
Remember, it’s okay to have standards—just make sure they’re serving you, not holding you back. And hey, if you’re still figuring it all out, that’s okay too. Dating is a journey, not a destination.
So, what do you think? Are your standards too high, or are you just waiting for the right person to meet them? Let’s chat in the comments below!
FAQs About Dating Standards
Q: Is it okay to have high standards?
A: Absolutely! Having standards is a sign of self-respect. Just make sure they’re realistic and aligned with what you truly want.
Q: How do I know if my standards are unrealistic?
A: If you’re constantly disappointed or single for long periods despite actively dating, it might be time to reassess your standards.
Q: Should I lower my standards to find love?
A: Never lower your non-negotiables, but consider being more flexible with things that aren’t as important.
Q: Can high standards protect me from heartbreak?
A: To some extent, yes. High standards can help you avoid toxic relationships, but they can’t guarantee you’ll never get hurt.